What is happening with my body????

Ok gentlemen, unless you want to read about the internal workings of women, stop reading and go somewhere else. That said, I need to hear from those of you that are going through what I'm going through. I've already written about my body and how it does whatever it feels like doing whenever it feels like doing it. I went to my PA last month and she had me schedule an ultrasound to get some more information on what is going on with my uterus. I must say the internal ultrasound was quite an experience. Like a dildo camera. Such fun. So I get a call today and I have a cyst on one of my ovaries and there is a thickening of my uterus wall. I need to schedule and appointment for my yearly papst, plus they are going to biopsy my uterin wall. Thanks and we'll see you on the 26th... She left me hanging... So me being me, I go to the wonderful world of the internet and type in thickening of the uterus wall. I read cancer, I read common, I read hysterectomy, I read chemo and read just about everything in between. Now I'm a smart person and I'm not going hysterical because I MIGHT have cancer or I might need a hysterectomy, but I'm only 46. I've only experienced maybe a handful of hot flashes in the last couple of years. My sister who is older than me by 18 months has had a ton of female and internal problems, but no one has mentioned a hysterectomy to her. I guess I want to know if any of you have experienced this. How about the biopsy? Does it hurt. According to what I read, they have to dialate my cervix and go in and cut a piece of my uterin wall. This has to hurt. If I have a hysterectomy, I'm only 46... how long will I have to be off work? Last time I knew someone that had a hysterctomy, she was off for 6 weeks. I can't afford to be off work for 6 weeks. Have procedures gotten better. I called my mom and she says its like getting your appendix out now a days. Yeah right! My son had to have an emergency appendectomy and he was tinting his windows of his truck the same evening. I don't think I'm going to be that lucky. Do I have to go on hormones now? What's that like? I know these are questions I will be asking my PA, but that's 10 days from now. Can someone give me a glimpse of what I'm going to be going through? I hope so. Thanks for taking the time to read about my life. You're all great!

My ramblings...

Reading all your different posts has guilted me into trying to make at least one resolution for 2009. I'm taking my inspiration from "Twenty Four at Heart". I'm in definite agreeance with her that excluding that fact that I found my "Ace of Hearts" and married him, the past 3 years have sucked. So my resolution is to make 2009 the happiest it has ever been for Ace of Hearts and myself. That is as far as I'm going to take my resolution making. Very basic. That way I can build on it as the year continues on.

I've only been blogging for a very short while, but for the few of you that have been with me from the beginning, I hope you see an improvement in my writing ability. Or maybe its the fact that I'm loosening up a bit. I also have the privilege of being cousins with SMB. It's been so many years since I've seen her... I've never even met her kids and her oldest is 24.... I have to confess, I missed the last family reunion, but I was sent a lot of pictures. It was selfish on my part. I had already made an appointment to get my old tattoo covered with a new one and I had a date... Yes a date! For anyone that has known me at any point in my life, I wasn't nor ever was a dater until after my divorce. I didn't date in high school or college. It's a really long story, but suffice it to say, I had my first real date when I was 43. So getting my old tattoo covered, was my way of closing a chapter on the old me, and starting my new life. It's actually a cool tattoo. It's a beautiful rose and in the vines above and below the rose are the names of my two sons. I love it. And just having a date was a big deal to me... so I missed the reunion, which I kick myself for now, because who knows if the entire family will ever get together ever again.... I can only hope.

Sorry about my rambling and jumping from one subject to the next, but I'm at work and I'm not in the mood to be here and my brain is running from one subject to the next and I'm just trying to keep up. I started this post because of three things: I wanted to share my New Years Resolution with you, I wanted to show off one of my favorite pictures of my sons and then just because.... So I've told my resolution, now here's my favorite picture:

They look so sweet and innocent don't they... I love this picture. Now look at them...

My youngest and me:

My oldest and his (may as well be...) his fiance.

They are men now!!!! I'm ready for them to be off and on with their life, but there is still that part of me that wants the little guys back. I know the moms out there understand what I'm saying. I'm ready for my freedom, but I'm having a hard time cutting those apron strings that have been wrapped around my sons and myself for the last 22 years. I've been told that the worrying part about being a parent never goes away... (which is a real bummer). But I have to learn to let them make their own mistakes (and fix those mistakes). I'm not sure I'm ready for this, but I have no choice... Onward and upward as the saying goes.

Well, I guess I should actually get some work done today... 3 more hours and I can go home!!!!